Fireproof!

That is what I want my marriage to be! We (Bryan and I) went to see the movie this afternoon...the first time we've been to a movie since before Nick was born (seriously!). I thought it was great...I highly recommend it to anyone who is married, has been married, or is planning to get married! So, how does it relate to us?? Well, I think Bryan and I are about at the point where Caleb and Catherine were, except for the "internet" issue that he had. We won't get divorced...I know that...but it doesn't make it any easier to live in a basically loveless marriage. We love our children, and we are committed to the marriage vows that we took-but I don't think that there is very much LOVE left between us, anymore. We irritate each other, we argue, we just don't see "eye to eye" about anything. I know that we're not on the same page with our faith, and maybe that's the problem. I'm not where I need to be, but at least I know it, and want to change for the better. Bryan just isn't interested. Sure, he'll take Nick to church, but only so he can sign his paper on Monday morning for attendance. I really miss being involved in a church family, and having that support and fellowship. We go almost every week, but it's just there and home. We barely know anyone in our church, and we definitely don't get any fellowship out of it. But, at least Bryan will go now....that only started when Nick started kindergarten! I guess I should be thankful for at least that much from him. So, is that really what's wrong with our marriage? I'm not sure. I'm just so very disappointed in how our life has turned out. I am, of course, very thankful for my sweet little boys. I love them with all of my heart and soul, and wouldn't trade anything for this opportunity that I have been given, to be their mommy. BUT, before we even decided to have a child, Bryan and I decided that I would stay home, or at the most work part time while they were little. He was getting a master's degree, and would get a good enough job to support us. That's how I was raised, and that's how I wanted to raise my kids. That, of course, hasn't worked out! Instead, I'M the "breadwinner" of our family. I have responsibility for the majority of the bills, the insurances, the investments...HOW did that happen??? It's just not what I wanted!!! I wanted to be taken care of, not the other way around! And the worst part is, that he LETS it stay this way. He's so very resigned to being in his crappy job for the rest of his life! Granted, every time he tries he gets doors slammed in his face, but isn't there SOMETHING that he could do different???? I've gone back to school! I've worked out of town in order to better our situation. Do you think that HE would drive back and forth to saint louis everyday for work??? Heck no! But it was sure fine if I did, especially since I made so much more money than down here! Bryan will let me do anything to better our situation, but he won't even try to. There is no way for me to actually believe that 10 years after his college graduation, he really can't find a job, if he would have really tried. People get new jobs EVERYDAY!!!! I've had 6 jobs since we've been married, and improved my situation with each one. Now I'm back in school AGAIN to try to move my way up some more. It sucks. I can't depend on him for anything. And, he doesn't even try to make it better. Maybe if things were different at home, then I could deal with the job situation better. What I wouldn't give, for him to just come up to me sometime and hug me. Just to sit and listen to me, about how my day was, or how school is going. Anytime I want help around the house I have to nag, nag, nag... He can't see that the laundry hamper is overflowing, or that dishes are in the sink. He forgets to pack Nick's lunch, sends him to school without his belt (incomplete uniform!), doesn't feed the dogs.... I know that I could do all those things, but sometimes I just need some help! I mean, on Tae-kwon-do days (monday and wednesday) I don't even get home until after 5. That's almost 12 hours! I'm tired...I don't want to come home and do laundry and cook dinner...but I have to, if we're going to have clean clothes and food!!! UGHHH. And he wonders why I'm unhappy!

Anyway, enough ranting. He's faithful, and he's a good father. Maybe I should be satisfied with that. I'm sure there are people with much worse husbands! But I still can't help hoping that someday, something will get better.....

Check out the movie, if you haven't yet.

http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/

Beautiful morning

It is a BEAUTIFUL Tuesday morning in Cape. Zachary and I just returned from a visit to Dr Olson (the dx is a bad cold!), and Z is now down taking a nap. Poor little guy has felt so rotten for the past few days, I decided to take him in this morning. Now at least we know it is nothing serious...just something we have to live through for a few more days! Nicholas had a visit thursday at school from Ms Connie, the educational consultant that we hired. She phoned Sunday evening, and luckily she thinks that his "problems" will be easily overcome. She had several suggestions that we could implement immediately, and a few others that we will do over time. We are hoping to be able to meet Friday after school with our principal, kindergarten teacher, and Connie, to discuss her findings. Please pray with us that the school (mainly our teacher!) will be open to her suggestions. We don't want to move him away from Trinity, but if they won't help us meet his needs, we may have to. In a nutshell, Connie says that Nick is a very "tactile" learner, and the the current teaching methods aren't really reaching to him. She thinks he may have a visual processing deficit, which we will be getting checked out by a specialist. Also, he seems to have a motor processing issue, which she thinks some more OT will help overcome. Basicially, we need some time to focus on what is causing his problems, so that he won't get discouraged at school. LUCKILY, she agreed with me, that removing him from kindergarten would NOT be the correct thing to do. He understands, and is learning, but the way our teacher teaches is not really good for him. More importantly, he is socially well adjusted, follows directions, and is enjoying school. Her professional opinion is that removing him from class would definitely do much more harm than good! Yeah! Mom was right! We are hiring a tutor, and hopefully she will be able to go to school, and help him there. Another thought is for her to come to school right after dismissal, and do the work in an empty classroom for an hour or so, a couple days per week. We want there to be some separation between school and home, so that he doesn't get too overwhelmed. Again, we'll be discussing this Friday.....

Today, however, we plan to enjoy the afternoon outside after school. It's almost fall!!! My favorite time of year!!!!

Still working....

On that paper!!! It was due yesterday, and I still have a lot to go! Nick is sitting behind me at Bryan's computer watching WonderPets, and I keep getting distracted! ha! (I kind of miss the wiggles these days...singing ducks and turtles are a little harder to watch!!!) Lacie, our new kitty, is hanging out here in the office with us, and Bryan, Zack, and the dogs are out in the living room watching the Polar Express (I know, it's only september....!). I need to get on the ball and get halloween costumes lined out, and even start getting ready for Christmas. I'm off this year, so mom and I have to decide who is cooking...

that's about all for today...it's blessedly boring at our house tonight. I love nights like this.... :-)

Another Monday!

Why do I dislike Monday so much? I think part of it (when I've been off the weekend) is that I just don't want to leave the boys. The guilt is a bit better since Nick has started kindergarten, but I miss my zacky so much! And Monday is such a hectic day....Nick has tae-kwon-do after school, so it's pretty late before we all get home. Oh, and I guess I always procrastinate doing my homework until Monday night, also. (like tonight! ha!)

Other than that, it's just a usual day around here. Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. I've come to appreciate that!!! The dogs behaved today while we were gone (no more torn up carpet...we won't even go there!), the dishes are all put away, the laundry is running, the kids are bathed, fed, and in jammies...I just still have that paper to write. I don't want to! I have this stupid mental block about it, and I'm just going to have to get over it and start writing. I know that. (I feel like I'm in high school again!!!) Well, that's for later....

What is going on with my friends? Adrienne is still in shock with her news of baby #3 on the way! congrats!!! My prayers (for what it's worth!) are with Nadia and Uylee with the loss of his father, and thanksgiving for their little #2 coming in march...they are in such a difficult place right now, and I wish I could be there with them to help... Steph is helping her little man deal with the loss of his beloved grandma-it's so hard on the children to deal with death...he missed her so much! For thanks and praise, there is Tracie's beautiful baby girl (their 3rd blessing!), and the anticipation of Mindy's little girl! Yeah! She made it! No preterm labor for that little munchkin!!! Just waiting to meet her! :-) My dear friend Cheryl has been named Zonta club 'woman of the year'--she is so very dedicated to helping women breastfeed their little ones! She's such a sweetheart!!! And, for now at least, all is going well at work. I'm back in my department, and we are plunging forward with some new ideas we got at our seminar last week. Dad is doing well, and getting stronger everyday.

Now, it's time to put my little buggers to bed, and then get started on that paper! Transitional leadership...wonder if I will ever be able to utilize what I'm learning about???? Maybe at least in the PTL!!! ha!

Zack's and Dr Uhls...his first photo!

Beautiful (almost!) Fall day

It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside today! Mid 70's (about 5 degrees above my optimal, but still nice!!!), sunny, breezy...and I can't let Nick go outside and play. Gee, do I feel like a bad mom! His allergies are so bad right now that I just can't risk it. Poor kid was up half the night coughing. I started giving him his Zyrtec again, with a little Histinix for his cough. Hopefully he will rest better tonight, and be all ready for school tomorrow! We are getting ready to make a run out to the mall--hopefully that will cheer him up a little bit. A cookie or pretzel should do the trick!!! ;-) We have a department store that is closing, so I thought I'd run by just to see if they have anything good on clearance... I wasn't planning to clothes shop this weekend, but I hate to miss any good bargains! We're trying to be on more of a budget these days, since we will have quite the bill from Zack's teeth, and the educational consultant we hired for Nick! It will be worth it though, if she can help him out with school!

Speaking of school....I have been procrastinating SO MUCH!!! I have a HUGE paper due...tomorrow...that I haven't even started on. Don't even know what it is supposed to be about. I think, just maybe, I might be turning this one in late! There has just been so much going on in the "rest" of my life these days.... Beginning to wonder if I'll graduate or not....?

Off to other things.....

Oh WHAT NEXT????

Okay, so my life is getting even better. Seriously. What could be better than sick kids, a crappy job, a dirty house, schoolwork that never quits, and a husband that must believe in the laundry/dirty dish fairy???? Well world, get this. Monday afternoon Zachary, sweet loving little lump of fat love, shoved his butt thermometer down my EAR! All the way. I was laying on the floor (sick!) and the boys were playing. I'd already had wooden blocks tossed on me, had trucks and cars driven over me, but I was thinking all was pretty much well. We were in the nursery, so there's nothing in there that can hurt Zack. Well, mom didn't realize he has now grown tall enough to reach the top of his changing station. Where i keep all the diaper stuff. You know, wipes, diapers, butt cream, and, of course, KY and the butt thermometer. He'd been sick just last week, so it was laying right there. But, of course, I didn't think he could reach that high. Boy, was I wrong. So, I guess he thinks...mom is sick, I'll take her temperature. How sweet...NOT!!!!! We use tympanics with Nick, so I'm sure he was just doing what he had seen me and dad do. Oh, the pain! Just searing right through my head. And then I'm laying there, thinking, I KNOW that did not just happen to me. I must be asleep, right. Sure, I'm dreaming... but then I reach up, and there is the good old vicks speedread just sticking out of my right ear. Now, can anyone out there explain just HOW things like this happen to me??? I mean, I watch my name is earl, so I know about KARMA, but I've never really screwed anyone over badly...certainly not stuck a thermometer in anyone's ear! So why me? And of course, I'm glad he did it to me, instead of himself, or his brother (or even the dog....actually even stupid dog). But WHY??? Ouch, it still hurts! So this is on top of the head congestion that I've already had for a week. Today I called in sick again, and went to my own GP. He says he thinks it's small enough to heal on it's own (monday there was too much blood in there for the ER to tell), and expect the dizziness to last for another week or so. But he gave me some decongestant to hopefully help with the pressure.

So, there's my week so far. Hope it helps all of you all out there feel just a little bit better about yours.